Struggling through with joy... |
kind of.
Struggling through with joy... |
When my son was a toddler one of his favorite stories had the recurring line The zoo is loud today! When we read it to him he would make the sounds of the animals in the picture.
That’s how I think of my mind when I meditate. I’ve been meditating almost daily for two years now. The zoo of my mind is still loud. I return to my breath over and over, as the gentle voice on my meditation app guides me to, and over and over the cacophony of my thoughts leap and fly around my mind. What should I wear today? What if one of the kids wakes up sick? Did I remember to email that parent? I better not forget foil at the store. The zoo is loud today, I think, and return to my breath. I would give up this fifteen minutes of silence every morning, but the magic of how it’s transformed my inner life is profound. I’m still neurotic but I’m making wary friends with my neurotic thoughts. They aren’t me. They’re just things that ping around my mind. I am not an anxious person. I just experience anxious thoughts, then let them go. Some days, I let them go millions of times in one day. Some days, they nearly drown me. I’ve learned there is a beginning and an end to every feeling. Everything changes, all the time. I’ve learned to accept this. Which has led to so much more acceptance: of aging, of the subtle details of my life, of difficulties and joys. Which has led to so much more recognition: of my blessings, my privilege, the love affair between two doves who live in our backyard tree. I see the tender way they groom each other while I wash dishes. I notice what I never saw before. I am dependent on the time, every morning, when I sit down with the zoo that is my mind. The monkey thoughts careen around, then slow, as I breathe, and breathe, and breathe.
2 Comments
3/22/2021 02:27:08 pm
"Zoo of my mind" is marvellous controlling metaphor -- with a smooth, effective lead. "Monkey thoughts" really caught my attention -- strong closing. Memorable from beginning to end.
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3/22/2021 02:49:05 pm
"The zoo is loud today." I love that line. That feels like something I could hold onto - gentle & non-judgmental. I am back to trying meditation again. I've never truly developed the habit, but your post is inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
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